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The Old Country
The Old Country is Rolf's original home, mentioned in many episodes. It is an amalgam of many European cultures and is the source of the many odd customs, legends, fights, famous people, and wise sayings spouted by Rolf. Background The Old Country is a reference to the lifestyle of creator Danny Antonucci's parents, as the two were Italian immigrants fresh off the boat. Many of the Old Country's strange customs are a reference to how Danny's Antonucci's parents acted. The Old Country was not intended to be located anywhere specific. When questioned about the mysterious location of Rolf's home country, Danny Antonucci replied: Customs * Should you break the law, you are to be hit in the head with the "Hat of Discipline," an enormous hat in the shape of a hammer. * A clam is considered a pet. * A typical family sits around the stove and tells stories of produce spread. * You may learn to ride a unicycle before a bike. * Philosophy: "the soil knows all." * A quiche apparently places a curse. * You must use an odd system of measurement; Foot = pace. Yard = goat. * It is socially accepted to eat grass. * You may learn to stack sausages at the age of two. * Passing of the goat = stable export of the country. Consists of the borrower signing a notepad several times and turning it in to the owner. In the event that the goat is not returned, you owe 2 bags of beans, 5 pigs, and a turnip. * You must honor your ancestors. * It is disgraceful to play with your food. * A shepherd typically chews soil to test its moisture/nutrition. * The barber is considered the manliest career, as he is viewed as a man among men. * It is customary to give a giant sausage as a gift. * It is a travesty to mix salami and bologna. * It is believed that if you burn a candle at both ends, it will lead to the life of a hairdresser. * Anchovies are good, the stench is to be respected. * Shepherd's customary salute: Poke 3 times in head, slap back of head 3 times, then kick in back. * When your chores are not complete, you are banished to the cupboard. * Do not try a shepherd's patience. * Respect fast food. * It is a celebratory time when the village idiot falls in a hole. * Offering a potted lily is a sign of disrespect. * A merciless beating of your laundry with a stick shall "cleanse (it) fresh". *A competition is used to settle arguments over possession. It involves "Balancing eggs in the ladle of honor, skedaddle down, circle the goat of maturity, skedaddle back" in a racetrack constructed out of sausages and grab the desired object. *Wearing a lavish suit is believed to lead to the life of an airline stuart. *Cameras are believed to steal the soul of those they film. Sports *Shining Shoes *Synchronized Swimming Old World Fables *'The Ugly Boy and the Tree of Heads:' Once upon a time, an ugly boy was thrown out of his village, and hit his melon on a tree. The boy looked up and was amazed at the many beautiful heads growing from its branches. After many tries, he found one that fit and he ran back to the village, becoming very popular. *'Hairless Otter Dance:' **'Hairless Otter': I am the Hairless Otter and I must eat chicken! Shepherd: (appears with a rifle): Hey, you bag of flesh! Let's dance! Kerpow! Hairless Otter: (cry of pain) Oh, my otter heart! It has been stroke! You have missed! otter eats shepherd Fairy Tales *'The Heroic Board:' ''Not much is known about this tale, other than the brave wooden board having saved a boy from three evil witches and their pet creepy crawlie. Some children may find this story terrifying. Acts Considered Eccentric *A person who lets their cows graze in a large field is considered a barbarian. * Hanging a milkbox from a string. * Allowing their Nana to rest. * Doing "Jumping jacks" without jumping is also the ritual of how you call the "Summoning of Chestnut Elves." *If a person throws or otherwise harms "The Great Sea Cucumber," they have disrespected your family. This may, however, just be a family tradition in honor of Rolf's Great Nano's death, along with Rolf's family's immigration to the new world. **When this happened in ''"Dueling Eds", Rolf dressed in black, put a veil over his head, and let people trample his face. **A person who has been shamed may cope with the feeling by burying his or herself in a shallow plot surrounded with forks and carrots. A beet is also suspended above the head. **If you are given a potted lily (referred to as the "Potted Shrub of Ridicule") after being shamed, it is viewed as a sign of mockery. The victim can then challenge the culprit to a duel to reclaim their honor. **An apology can be made by baking the "Cupcakes of Sorriness" before the duel, or accepting the "Eels of Forgiveness" (eels poured down your pants) after the duel. *Quiche is a cursed food. *Stuffed pigs head is a delicacy. *You have to ask permission before you dance with a pig. *In order to ferment potatoes, you put them in your ears. *Potatoes are honorable. *Chopping a potato to make french fries is considered shameful. *During fall, you celebrate the "the Gathering of the Fungus Which Burns Into the Moist of the Moonlight" and have a pig to help gather the mushrooms. Legends There are numerous hero stories, fights, famous people, and unbelievable legends in the Old Country. A man in a wolf costume tried to steal and eat sheep. Rolf witnessed a giant Swedish meatball stalking Wilfred in the dead of night. Another strange tale is the story of how his Great Nano crossed the ocean in a canoe made from the soles of his shoes while fighting a giant sea cucumber in an attempt to immigrate to America according to one of Rolf's stories. Because the Great Nano was lost at sea in this battle people of this culture would dress in a tight-fitting sea cucumber suit and prepare a box of sea cucumber balls for the neighbors to feast, (imitating when Rolf and his great Nano had to devour the mighty sea Cucumber that attacked them) but was offended if someone threw one of these balls. Also, around the holidays, this culture family worships a bearded woman named Yeshmiyek who lives in the center of the earth preparing the holiday feasts for good males and females. She is also known to punish bad children by throwing them in a pot to boil. Rolf also celebrates the guardian pigeon. Another thing this culture does is dueling, he would dig a hole and make a bridge of a tree and then he would put on war-like suit with an ox skull on it and battle his enemy with dead stiff fish. Phrases *"Are you weak in the upper story?" *"A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse." *"Has your brain turned to custard like half-price pastry?"' *"Do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser." *"Stubborn like an ingrown back hair!" *"Has a truck parked on your freshly-paved driveway?" *"Has your think box collapsed?!" *"May shower scum devour your hat!" *"May your nose fester with the rage of olives!" *"You have broken the celery stalk on the back of a sea urchin!" *"May the fleas from your cows inflame your rhubarb!" *"Confess to your crimes, stale end piece of white bread!" *"Has anyone ever told you your hair resembles the backside of a chicken?" *"Ah, the artichoke thickens." *"Flee in the name of blanched rhubarb!" *"The humble beet is the answer to all riddles." *"Why must you behave like hens having difficulty laying an egg?" *"May the onion of agony swell your macaroon!" *"The Guardian Pigeon shall disgrace itself upon the head of the mischief maker!" *"The Guardian Pigeon has yet to drop its full load!" *"Come and see the wisdom of the Guardian pigeon." *"Oho, the ancient ones have stumped the know-it-all." *"Do not get involved lest your pomegranates shrivel in the cold of the dark sea!" *"I see through this squashed peanut paste on white bread masquerade!" *"I will grill your strudel until you cry like a teensy-weesny baby!" *"Urchins of processed cheese spread!" *"Have you been drinking milk from a rusty bucket?!" *"Your garden is overgrown, and your cucumbers are soft!" *"The cat sours the basil." *"You are full of pickles and beets today, eh?" *"Shaklava!" *"A turnip for your thoughts?" *"Life too short not to smell the parsley?" *"Have you stripped the thread of a screw?!" *"You have squeezed an orange rind in the eye of Rolf!" *"A dog has raised his hind leg on the age of nevermore!" *"You have made a merry Andrew of Rolf!" *"Rolf's thirst is only comparable to the dryness of Papa's chafed elbow." *"Every time a pig squeals an angel gets its– (implied to either be wings, halo, or harp)." *"May you break out in lather and pass a turnip from your nose!" *"Go with the speed of cabbage!" *"Do you have potatoes in your ears?!" *"My patience is thin and your head is fat!" *"Rolf's vengeance will be slow and painful, like Papa's charcoal anecdotes, Ed Boys!" *"Peel your onions, Ed Boys, and cry!" Economy *Turnips, Oranges, Chickens and Rubber Bands are used as money, suggesting a barter economy. Food Products ** Carrots ** Cheese ** Cucumbers ** Eels ** Eggplants ** Eggs ** Fish ** Meat ** Milk ** Octopus ** Parsley ** Plums ** Pork ** Potatoes ** Radishes ** Squash ** Squid ** Stuffed Pig's Head ** Sugar beets (a.k.a. "Candied Beets") ** Turnips ** Yams Tribute To Yeshmiyek with an upbeat tempo Deep below the dirt and rocks There lives the bearded maiden fair Whose kitchen pot is bigger than Her size of underwear…Hey! Yeshmiyek who peels the root And grinds the sausage with her boot! Yeshmiyek who cures the meat And stuffs the fruits and sugared beets! Yeshmiyek who salts the pork And stabs it with her silver fork! Yeshmiyek who cuts the cheese And gives the loaf of bread a squeeeeze! slow and darkly But should your chores be never done Your feeble arms too weak to toil Yeshmiyek will surely come… And throw you in the pot to boil! and happy again Yeshmiyek who smokes the fish And lays a slab on every dish! Yeshmiyek who guts the hare And seasons it with special care! Yeshmiyek who bastes the lamb And spits the glaze on every ham! Yeshmiyek who bakes the strudel Pickles feet and strings the noodle! Gallery Vlcsnap-2013-08-15-22h33m00s148.png|The Old Country. Vlcsnap-2013-08-15-22h31m40s116.png|Old World Replica. Vlcsnap-2013-08-12-13h47m54s119.png|The Eels of Forgiveness. Sc. 80 Exterior Forest Pan Bot-lite Moon or Stars.jpg|Concept art of The Old Country at night. See also *Rolf *That's My Horse *Wish You Were Ed *Old World Village *Yeshmiyek *Yeshmiyek (song) Category:Locations